Monday, January 23, 2012

On Bug Fights, and a Cool Duck

Congratulations if you found your way to this post. I'm not tweeting it or facebooking it. This post is going to have no flow, and make no sense. Basically, I'm just a bit bummed out at the moment, and I'm bored, so I figure I'll amuse myself, and hopefully a few others.

I like to write, because it alleviates my anger and frustration. Despite my frustration with how awful music is nowadays, and a lot of other things in the world that bug me, at least this day and age has given me this platform for sharing my thoughts. Before this was an option, I could have written everything down on a sheet of paper, but then I couldn't have shared them with anyone. Perhaps I could have written them in a letter and sent it to someone, but that takes too long, only goes to one person, and really, nobody writes letters anymore. People used to write to others, and call people on the phone. Imagine THAT! Look at me, sounding like your parents.

As it is, I can think of an idea during the day, toss it on here, and flesh it out, vomiting up any jokes that come up in my brain. I hit publish, and bam, anyone else can see what ridiculous things are going through my head. Check it out, first thing that came into my head as I said that: a duck. Let me find a duck.


That duck cracks me up. It wants badly to be a person, but will always be a duck. Actually, it's probably dead now, so it'd probably be ok with being a duck. Still, you can see it in its wants to be a human. Or maybe it's late and I'm just saying ridiculous stuff. It's only 11:15, so maybe not. Maybe I think really highly of the duck.

[Edit: I've been informed that it is, in fact, a goose. I feel stupid, and I would change everything I said above, but the humor of finding out I'm incredibly wrong is too funny.

Never before has a video been so appropriate.]


Another thing, I checked my stats on this site, because it shows me where people are finding my blog from. Mostly the US, a few Canada, one in Brazil, and one in Australia, all of which I can account for. What I don't get, though? 14 in the Ukraine, and 9 in Russia. I know NOBODY from the Ukraine or Russia, excluding my Russian Politics professor, who is a Ukrainian babe, and I'm pretty sure she doesn't read this. After saying that, I really hope she doesn't. If you do, ma'am, I really enjoy your class, and it's really, really easy to pay attention.

Who are you Ukrainian and Russian people? 

What else is fascinating to me, right now? I've been watching a lot of videos of bugs fighting other bugs. They inevitably culminate in the dominant bug eating its fallen enemy. In my opinion, the preying mantis is the apex-bug of the animal kingdom. So far, I've seen it defeat numerous other bugs, and a few snakes. And in the end, it always feeds on its enemy. Awesome.

Looking at the mantis as a whole, consider a few things:

First off, permanent fighting stance. Second, camouflage. Looks like a leaf, allowing for maximum ninja attack skills. Third, wings, allowing for instantaneous escape. Finally, and most obviously, saw hands. Good thing they aren't 6 feet tall, or the world would be dominated by giant mantises. Their only flaw is lack of venom, and that's only because it'd be too unfair.

The Camel Spider is also a formidable opponent, but I've seen it take a few losses. Also, it's the most disgusting bug-type creature of all time, so I don't feel like talking about it for too long.

Some bugs that really suck in hand-to-hand combat? Spiders generally don't do too well. They have venom, and are pretty fast, but they've got a lot of legs, which allows for many grab-able surfaces. They're also not particularly agile, as it seems they're really only good going forwards and backwards.  Beetles also suck. Slow, not very good on the attack. Plenty of armor, but if they're flipped, it's all over.

Have I given this too much thought? Yes, I have. Freshman year, there was a show on Animal Planet, in which they showed bugs fighting each other, and broke down their various offensive and defensive attributes. My roommate, Tim, and I would watch it, and place bets on who would win. I never, ever lost. Damn proud of it. With my expert knowledge, I can tell you that I would march into battle with the mantis any day. Plus, it's the model for Scyther, from Pokemon, arguably the coolest looking Pokemon of all.

Also completely useless. 

Coming up this week, I'll be breaking down the all stars who made the game. It'll be more analytical, as I'm trying to balance out humorous joke posts and actual writing. I just took Bleacher Report to task for their awful, typo-laden hockey coverage, so I'm making a vow to kick more ass than them, both in content and spelling. Not exactly a tough task.