Sunday, February 5, 2012

Pens/Bruins recap, Pens win 2-1. Devils Suck.

Today was an odd day.

I woke up in time to watch the Penguins beat the Boston Bruins. The Bruins looked like a shell of their former self. No longer do they seem to bully their opponents into submission. Instead, they seemed willing to allow the Penguins to skate into their home rink and dictate the physicality. Despite a lackluster first period, the Pens annihilated the Bruins in the old-school portion of the game, including big hits from Chris Kunitz, Joe Vitale, and Brooks Orpik.

More free candy than a Trick or Treater with a gun.
"Gimme all your fucking candy"

Fleury was solid, the cotton candy guy was solid, and the organ guy played LMFAO's "Party Rock Anthem". He was voted off the island, and Flower defeated cotton candy man to win the million bucks.

Evgeni Malkin scored an easy chip-in goal on what may have been the worst powerplay of the season. Not because of the Pens' play, they kicked ass. The call, itself was ridiculous. Still, the flightless birds have been on the receiving end of several similar calls this season, so to see it happen to another team isn't going to lose me any sleep. 

Pretty appropriate song, given the circumstances. Still gross, but strangely triumphant.

Oh, and some other fellow scored. Matt Cooke. Probably public enemy #1 in Boston. Here's a picture of Marc Savard's reaction to Cooke's goal:

If I offended you with this, stop reading my blog.

With this win, the Penguins....stay exactly where they 5th place. They have 64 points, two behind 4th place Philadelphia and three ahead of 6th place New Jersey. 

New Jersey sucks. 

Their goaltending is the "unstoppable tandem" of Martin Brodeur and Johan Hedberg. The Moose (Hedberg) carried the Pens to a "magical run" in 2001-02, and will always be remembered fondly for his blue helmet. He's 38. 

"Uncledaddy" Martin Brodeur once had an affair with his wife's sister's daughter, or something like that. I don't really care about the specifics, all I know is that the name "Uncledaddy" makes me giggle like a little girl every time I hear it. Though he's probably the best goaltender of all time (though I go with Patrick Roy), he's 39 and will most likely be moving into the Grand Residence after this season.

The Devils' goaltending consists of two old has-beens, most likely skating in their last handful of games. Every time I see Fleury, I do an ultimate Dwight Schrute fistpump, then I go to the Devils' wikipedia page and change it to say that in 2006, the whole team got together and watched M Night Shamamamamanamalan's "The Village", and thought it deserved an Oscar.

The Village sucked. Probably the worst movie ever.

"Scott Pilgrim Vs The World" also sucked. I let some friends talk me into it the other night. Never again. Michael Cera needs to hit puberty already, since I think he's a few years older than me.

Oh, conveniently enough, the Pens play the Devils in hours. 

Let's go Pens!