Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Hockey Talk: Milbury, NBC, Fragile.

Man, what's not going well right now?

Today, I got up at 7, typed up an essay, sent some emails, all that good stuff. After that, I headed off to the library, printed out that essay, another essay, and a big-ass paper, turned in all 37 or so pages of that stuff, then came back and watched the Office for a bit. Followed that up with a journey down the road to tour Penn State Behrend with my family. I hate to say it, but I think I'm gonna have a Penn State student in my family. Crazy, right? Pretty happy that she'll be down the road for my senior year, though.

In the course of one week or so, my brother got into Culver Academy in Indiana to play hockey, and my sister got offered a spot to play soccer at Behrend, and she gets to settle a little unfinished business on the soccer field. I'd kill to have a shot at playing hockey again, so I couldn't be happier for Abbie and Tommy. In fact, it's deserving of one of these:

Guess who's finally got some hockey to talk about?

The other day, millions of families across the US cancelled all their plans, and rushed home from church to gather around the ol' television box in order to celebrate HOCKEY DAY IN AMERICA! The day is our attempt, as a country, to embrace our soon-to-be national pastime, the pure and gentlemanly sport of ice hockey.

...The pure and gentlemanly sport of ice hockey!

As much as people have complained about various aspects of the day, I loved it. 

Unfortunately, the Penguins put forth one of their worst efforts of the season, and were destroyed by the Sabres. They looked like they were experiencing a worse hangover than one of Andre The Giant's drinking partners. Thankfully, though, the Pens beat up on their arch-rivals, the Philadelphia Flyers, just a few hours beforehand.

Regardless, there were several games broadcast nationally on NBC, including a couple of back-to-back main event games between Boston and Minnesota as well as Detroit and San Jose. It was a good way of exposing the sport nationally, which included the NBC crew sitting outside, freezing their asses off, and a pretty good lineup of games.

The day also gave us one of the greatest images ever. I present to you...

This is Mike Milbury. Sir Shoesalot played hockey for the Bruins back in the 70's, coached them for a bit, and is most famous for two things: destroying teams from within, and beating a Rangers fan with his own shoe. This great moment in benchwarmer history spawned the scene in Slap Shot, where one of the Hanson brothers beats the hell out of somebody with some quality footwear.

The picture is great, because he's wearing shades that he thinks look cooler than the Fonz, despite the fact that Milbury's about as hip as Madonna's lady parts nowadays. 

As far as destroying teams from within, Milbury is about as sensible to have in the front office as a chestburster from Alien is to have in your stomach.

This is the least graphic image I could find.

During his tenure as GM of the New York Islanders, the Mike Tyson of moccasins traded away such little-known names as Zdeno Chara (Stanley Cup champion, captain of the Bruins, Norris trophy Winner), Roberto Luongo (Vezina Award winner, Stanley Cup finalist), Olli Jokinen (Gretzky told him to "hadda burger"), Todd Bertuzzi (Asshole, but effective player), Tim Connolly (http://candk.ytmnd.com/), and Raffi Torres (Stanley Cup finalist). His crowning achievement, though? Signing Rick Dipietro to a 15 year, $67.5 million contract. Since then, DiPietro has played only 164 games (out of a possible 410), including only 13 games between 2008 and 2010.

The fellow dressed as Hulk Hogan (of awesome mustache fame) is Cy Clark, one of the best and most visible Penguins fans out there anywhere. Why's he chilling with backup goaltender Brent Johnson, and holding up a New York Islanders jerseyvwhich reads "Fragile"?

I'd post the .gif, but the blog isn't letting me.

The trade deadline's coming up soon, and I'll talk about that. I really just wanted to brag about my brother and sister, while making fun of Mike Milbury and Rick Dipietro. It felt good to talk about hockey again.