Thursday, March 1, 2012


Superstitions are funny. Some people don't believe in them, but in a bit, I'm gonna make a case for them.

Do I have superstitions? More or less. It's not that I believe in them, but perhaps they make me feel a little bit more comfortable. Here are some:

-I don't wear my blue Pens jersey during games. Instead, I wear one of my Sherseys or my Penguins hat.

-I play "The Ecstasy of Gold" by Ennio Morricone before every game. The song is used by Metallica to pump up the crowd before shows, but is better known as the song that plays as Tucco runs through the cemetery at the end of "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly".

-Before games, I also listen to "Strength Beyond Strength" by Pantera, Metallica's cover of "Remember Tomorrow" by Iron Maiden, and "Victim of Changes" by Judas Priest.

-This isn't so much a superstition, but it's just something odd that I do. When I'm eating, I make sure to chew equal amounts with both sides of my mouth. Perhaps ten on the right side, then ten on the left side. I'm not sure why. I never said I was normal.

-Finally, there are a few things that are cursed. First, my blue jersey as mentioned before. Also, there's the EPIC VAN COMMERCIAL, which the last few times I have seen it, was quickly followed by a goal from the other team. If it comes on tv, I turn it off immediately. There's also the arm chair in my apartment; the Penguins have never won when I sit in it for any length of time during the game. I should burn that bastard down.

It does make vans look sweet though, right?

This brings me to superstitions as a whole.

I don't believe that the individual superstition by itself has any effect on any sporting event. I don't even believe in the idea I'm gonna say in a second. It's simply a different and seemingly plausible way of thinking about superstitions.

I have my superstitions, if you can call them that. Everyone else has theirs. Is it possible that the balance of luck is based on the sum of the superstitions as a whole, and that the luck is shifted in favor of whichever team's fans follow the greater number of their own superstitions?

Say I'm following mine, I have on the hat, I'm pumping out the Pantera, and I'm beating the living hell out of that damn chair. The lady down the street had her super special superstitious spaghetti for dinner. The creepy guy down by the river is wearing his lucky assless leather chaps. And yes, Sidney Crosby ate his peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. The majority of Pens fans are following up on their superstitions, and perhaps 78% of them have done so.

On the other hand, the Flyers fans are not so diligent. One of them forgot to get his daily parking ticket for parking in the handicap spot at the office. Another didn't piss wherever he felt like, in the name of the Flyers (I've been told Philly smells like vomit and urine, and I don't have the heart or desire to dispute this claim). Countless other ones didn't do the foul, disgusting things I can't say here, which they normally do in order to sway luck in favor of the black and orange. Only 33% of the Flyers fans followed through on their superstitions.

That night, the Pens win 4-3 in OT after a puck just bounces past Ilya Bryzgalov.

Perhaps the sum of one side's superstitions outweighs the other side, and luck goes in favor of them. That's just my ridiculous late-night idea about superstitions.

If you think wearing your lucky assless leather chaps makes the Pens win, you're a little full of yourself.