Monday, February 17, 2014

Even More Olympic Thoughts!

Well, remember how I said I was going to do a blog every night about my thoughts on the Olympics?

The night I wrote the first post, I honestly spent so much time writing snarky BS about what I was seeing on tv, that I actually watched none of it. As a big fan of the winter Olympics, this was unacceptable. Therefore, I decided not to do it again. Instead, I'm writing my thoughts on what has since occurred, adding in some pictures, and watching youtube videos of Eddie Guerrero. Also, I'm having a difficult time with synonyms and homophones at the moment, and I'm not sure what's up with that. Possibly brain damage, which is ok since I have an IQ of 150 according to a totally legitimate web quiz, so I've got some to spare.

So, what has actually happened since we met in the frozen wonderland that is my blog? Not much, I guess....
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! SUCK ON THAT, RUSSIA! Hot Dog Eagle Boner makes its triumphant return after the US "men's ice hockey" team defeated Russia in what was perhaps one of the best games of hockey ever played. Scholars maintain that the Medicine Hat Moose Elbows and the Thunder Bay Syrup Discharge had a real barn burner of a game in 1897, but since there really is no record of it, this game probably takes the cake.

In the classic movie, "The Sandlot," a Mexican-American kid visited by the holographic spirit of Babe Ruth. For years, I thought the spirit of Babe Ruth was played by John Goodman, but it turns out I was incorrect. Actually, John Goodman played Babe Ruth in a different movie, so I was right in a sense. But that's not the important thing. The important thing is that the spirit of the Babe told young Benjamin that "heroes get remembered, but legends never die". Ladies and gentlemen, this rings especially true here, as we saw a man gain immortality by way of legendary status on that fateful morning. His name?

TJ Oshie.

Now, aside from having a pretty hot girlfriend/wife/fiance, who happens to have pretty cool boobs, herself, TJ Oshie has the distinction of having had me as a fan for a couple years. Mostly it's because he has a cool name, but also because he's just a pretty solid hockey player. Needless to say that I, with an estimated IQ of 150, foresaw great things in his future. He did not disappoint. We all know what happened, so I'm not going to get into it here. Oshie brought down the iron curtain once again, and for that, we are all thankful. Russia can buy blue jeans and listen to modern music again.

Now, after the game, Oshie said that the true heroes are the men and women "wearing camo," and that's very true. But I feel a distinction can be made when using the word, "hero". You have ACTUAL heroes, such as soldiers, police officers, firefighters, ambulance drivers, etc. but you also have sports heroes. Some may take umbrage with that, but it's just the way it is. And if you've got a kid who's looking for a hero, he or she could do a whole lot worse than TJ Oshie....
like Aaron Hernandez...
....Ray Lewis....
....Ben Roethlisberger....
...or really, just the NFL in general.
Not to be forgotten in all the hyperbole surrounding TJ Oshie, which I'm not helping, is US goaltender Jonathan Quick's efforts, which were equally important in securing an American victory over Russia. People were amazed that Oshie was sent out again and again, but really, the goaltenders do it every time there's a shootout. So let's give Quick SOME credit. Even though he didn't really have to make any spectacular saves, he-

Yeah, he earned that one.

Immediately after the game, the self-anointed guardians of all that is hockey, known to most people as "Canada," came down from on high to bitch about the US team, complaining that the would-be Russian goal in the third period should have counted by NHL rules. But Canada...

It's not the NHL. IIHF rules stipulate that should the puck enter the net at a time when said net was in any way displaced, the goal would not count. But do you know what does count?

United States 2nd seed, Canada 3rd seed.
And that's the way it is.
Canada is always quick to do two things: bitch about your hockey team, and bitch about their own hockey team. The US shouldn't have won, according to them, but you can bet that Russia shouldn't have won, either. Canada should have been awarded all three points in the game, just for being so gosh-darned polite!

After complaining about the American victory, our lovely neighbors to the north decided it was time to jump on Sidney Crosby's back, and chide him for not scoring a bucket full of points in the preliminary round. If you can explain to me the logic behind trashing a guy who scored a gold medal winning goal on home ice in 2010, I'd love to hear it. Canada should never....and The Rock means NEVER...complain about Crosby not scoring. Because Sid's goal in 2010 did two things: one, it gave Canada a gold medal in the sport that they and only they can ever be good at. And two. it kept Ryan Miller from winning it, himself, and for that, I salute Crosby.

Before I wrap this up, I shall leave you with two final images.

First, we have former Penguins legend, gambling addict, and all around goofy guy, Jaromir Jagr, gazing into the crystal ball to see if the horse he bet on that morning ended up winning:
He lost.

And finally, Phil Kessel, who had a hat trick in the US' final preliminary game, makes an appearance. I always love a good pun, almost as much as I love me some Phil Kessel. Take it away, Philbert.