The Wednesday Rant: Mail Room Edition!

Look at this person, here.

This fine gentleman is a mail room worker. Notice his demeanor. Attentive, friendly, welcoming, likely knowledgeable about his job, and hardworking to the point where he somehow manages to encompass all of these qualities while simultaneously writing and smiling for a picture. This is the face of dedication.

Now look at this face.

 

 This is an accurate artistic rendering of the manager at the school's mail room. Gaze in awe at the aloof and unhelpful expression on his face. Does he look like the sort of person you would trust when mailing things across the country? I think not.

Actually, he doesn't look much like that, I'm just a great artist and tried to pretty him up a little. The true fellow has that smug "I'm nerdy as hell, and proud of it, and I'm going to look down at you in disgust for not knowing this things that I know" look. Like this:

About the only accurate thing about my drawing was the pony tail. If you're a guy and you have a ponytail, cut it off. There are very few instances in which it is acceptable to have a pony tail as a guy. First, perhaps you don't normally wear it that way, but you have to for work. This is alright. The most acceptable reason to have a pony tail is that you are incredibly badass, and use the pony tail to display this. Maybe you wear the pony tail in defiance, a sort of "come at me, bro," to goad lesser mortals into fights that they will inevitably lose, like a deer with huge antlers as a sign of "not to be messed with". That's alright.

But mail room guy, cut it off. You look ridiculous.

you may ask, "Will, why are you picking on the poor mail room guy?". the answer is simple. It is because I am an asshole. However, when I'm at work, I treat even the most astoundingly whacked-out customer with respect and a smile. Mail room guy, on the other hand, does not. In my four years of experience with him, every conversation has seemed like it is designed to make me feel like I am an inconvenience.

Today, I walked in to send out a book, and asked for a box. "We don't have boxes, you should have brought your own". Alright, I was under the assumption that this is the mail room, and your sole job is to mail stuff in boxes. Also, there's a rack of boxes behind you. Gimme one of those, please. "I guess we have some of these boxes, but the book will move around". As long as it moves to New Jersey, that's all the matters to me. The book's comfort along the ride is not my concern. So he gave me a box, and I got it all together, packing slip inside, on top of the book, and handed it back to him. "What?". Please mail this. "You need to tape it up and put it in the appropriate bin". Sorry dude, I was under the impression that you work in the mail room, and it was your job to do these things.

I realize that I'm coming off as a dickhead who is perhaps expecting too much. But I figured taping my box together was sort of his job. Whatever, I can tape it, and so I did. But my real problem is with him giving me such a hard time and making me feel like an idiot for not knowing everything about something I had only done once (and that time, they took my book, assembled the box WHICH THEY ALREADY HAD, and taped it up for me. I was expecting the same thing).

I guess what I'm saying is that I can't stand people who treat their job and customers like it's the biggest hassle. Some days at Buybacks, I was up to my nose in disgusting used CDs, sorting through them to see if there was one we could buy, and then dealing with the venom spewed my way when I told them I couldn't take any of their crap. And I did it politely.

But at least I don't have a pony tail.

AND ANOTHER THING! As I was taping up the box, there was an art therapy professor in there, trying to figure out a problem she was having with something she was expecting in the mail. Packing tape is loud. When it peels up from the main roll of tape, it makes a horrible noise somewhere in between duct tape and a Sun Chips bag. As I was trying to attach the packing tape, it was making a lot of noise, and the professor turned to me and said "could you PLEASE keep it down, I'm TRYING to sort out an issue".

Well perhaps I wouldn't have this problem if the asshole who lost your mail wasn't too lazy to do his job. Also, art therapy is bullshit, and your students should get a refund. You know what was art therapy for Led Zeppelin? Music and a bag of whatever drug they happened to be into at that time. I bet that worked better for them than ambient music and pastels.